I hate all girls vehemently.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize