He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
