You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
40s are totally the cure
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
