i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
