Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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