I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
