oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
