Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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