Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
