Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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