I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
