just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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