so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
