Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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