I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
