You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
