No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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