just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize