I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
