Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
