My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
