I will die if light touches me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
