When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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