So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
