So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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