Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
