she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize