In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
