she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
