Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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