my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
