walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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