i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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