Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize