the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
