Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
