did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
