If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
