I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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