A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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