god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
