I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We are two peas in an std pod
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
