Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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