My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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