The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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