You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
