Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
