my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
