So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
