just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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