I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
