guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
