btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize