First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
