It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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