he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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