While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize