How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
