You're my little dorito
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
