I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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