Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
