Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
