I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
