His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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