I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
