I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
