Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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