Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
