I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
this hospital has no fireball
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
