Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
