my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize