Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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