someone threw a dead crab at me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The Olympian is in my bed
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
