I want you more than these girls want KFC
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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