what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
