well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize